Big Girls Don't Cry

Why are we ashamed of our tears? Somehow when we earned the title as a leader, we disbanded with anything that reeked of frailty. But we forget that even Jesus wept. Ken Gire states, "The closest communion with God comes, I believe, through the sacrament of tears. Just as grapes are crushed to make wine and grain to make bread, so the elements of this sacrament come from the crushing experiences of life."

For those of us who are compelled to "fix everything," sometimes we happen upon circumstances that are beyond our control. And rather than releasing our frustration through cleansing tears, often times we choose aggressive means as a mask for our raw and tender hurts.

However, the Psalmist said,

"You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights. Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."
It moves me to think that my tears have actually made it into God's book, and that God would let me know that He is mindful of me, and that He is always thinking about me. And you, too!

Jess Moody artfully said, "Did you ever take a real trip down inside the broken heart of a friend? To feel the sob of the soul-the raw, red crucible of emotional agony? To have this become almost as much yours as that of your soul-crushed neighbor? Then, to sit down with him-and silently weep? This is the beginning of compassion."

There is nothing wasteful about tears. Embracing tough times soften us in all the right places, reminding us that we are human, rather than super-human, while inviting us down a memorable journey into shared suffering and the fellowship of tears. We would never appreciate healing if we never knew the intensity of the wound.

Questions to Explore:


1. Even if you never saw your mother, your aunts, or your father cry, will you give yourself the permission to cry?

2.Under the weight of the crushing reality that Carol may never see her son outside the bars of a prison, Carol experienced the "fellowship of tears" with her younger sister. Have you ever experienced the profound fellowship of tears? What did it do for you?

3.How might God want to use your tears as instrument of healing for you and for others?


We are living in very uncertain times. The possibility of life-altering circumstances is an unfortunate fact of life. However, I want to encourage you in this: Purpose in your heart to not allow the leadership side of you to shield your heart from truly feeling and expressing appropriate sorrow. Also consider ways that you might extend an active compassion toward those who are in the crucible of change.